STAGE 3: “THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS”. OR AS MACHIAVELLI WOULD SAY: LET THE BARGAINING BEGIN!

By now, you have gone through anger and denial. That’s a lot to go through! You can’t stand this feeling anymore. It’s just too intense so you figure: “Hey, let me use my IQ now. 10 ways to get my Ex back.”

You’re now in the bargaining stage. You’re willing to do ANYTHING to get your Ex back, including breaking into his apartment, stealing his iPod and calling him the next day to make an appointment to have him pick up the goods or else…you’ll break into his car next. It’s called “breaking and blackmailing”. Desperate times call for desperate measures and they usually end up with a restraining order or a few months in the joint.

My advice is to put these evildoing thoughts away from your mind and try more civilized, legal ways to get your Ex back.

There are 3 people you can bargain with: Yourself Your Ex God (or the Universe, Goddess or even with the Lack of God)

Like every good negotiation, you’ll make a fair agreement with any of these three people/entities. Actually, during the relationship you bargained with your now Ex many, many times. By now, you should know what works and what doesn’t work with her. If she doesn’t like to be pushed, lure her back with cards that allude to the GOOD memories. Let her know how LOVE overcomes everything, that this is more like a hump that you can get through together with another type of hump. Remember, appeal to her heart and her hoohah, as both at some point were with you all the way.

If NOTHING works, then you have yourself and God to bargain with. You’re easy, just make a list of the complaints your Ex had and make sure you start working on improving yourself, preferably with the help of a therapist. If you believe in a Higher Power, make Him/Her/It promises. Remember that commitments with a Higher Power might have serious consequences, especially if your God gets mad easily.

If nothing works, then just accept the fact that the relationship has ended and you must move on. I know it’s a PAINFUL fact to deal with and come to terms with but think about how much peace and joy you’ll have after you’re done with this stage.

If your Ex is a nice person, you can always reconnect as friends or booty calls after you’ve gone through the 5 stages of your grieving process.

What to do

-Focus on positive things that bring you joy and peace like work, hobbies, family or friends.

-Refocus your obsession and turn it into cash by being more productive.

-Write a list of why you DON’T want your Ex back and turn it into a refrigerator magnet.

What not to do

-Do not turn your bargaining with your Ex into stalking, theft or even murder. LET THEM GO.

-Do not make a refrigerator magnet with the reasons why you should get your ex back.