BREAK UP-THE GRIEVING STAGES (PART 1)

Going through a break up can be compared to coping with death. You are experiencing a significant loss, and the grieving stages are the same. The post breakup state of emotional confusion involves sadness, anger and a lot of other icky feelings. The breakup process has five stages of grief which do not necessarily happen in order. There’s no telling how long you will be sad, angry or in denial. All you need to know that going through them means you’re walking towards the “healing light”. Don’t force it or try to speed it up as that will only slow down the healing process. Be kind and sweet to yourself and know that you will get through this.

There are five stages of grief:

1-denial,

2-anger,

3-bargaining,

4-depression,

5-acceptance.

Whether you like it or not, you should not skip any of these 5 stages. If you do, you’ll enter your next relationship with much more baggage than you need to. Everyone knows extra baggage makes you look fat. And who wants THAT? So let me give you a rundown of the stages and how to deal with each one of them so you can go into your next love story as skinny as a supermodel…emotionally speaking.

STAGE 1:

OH LOOK! IT’S CLEOPATRA, THE QUEEN OF DENIAL

You know things aren’t working between you. You’re at IHOP having a fun pancake time. He snaps at you because you have a water stain on your T-shirt. “I don’t want to be seen with someone with a stained shirt. I’ll wait for you in the car”. He leaves you sitting at the table all alone, sipping the last drops of your washed down cup of coffee wondering, “We’re at freaking IHOP! A stain on my T-shirt means I fit in!” You go back to the car, he apologizes, you talk it out and find excuses for his irrational behavior. Excuses, excuses, excuses=denial,denial,denial. The stain represents the fact that you’re not the perfect girl he wants. It’s over but you still wanna “give it a shot”, especially by trying to avoid staining your shirt. Even though it dawns on you that maybe this guy is exhibiting abusive behavior, you still feel there are still some good qualities in him. After all, he brings you soup when you’re sick. You think, “Maybe we’re just going through a rough patch.” However, deep down inside, you KNOW it’s over. I mean, would you want to spend the rest of your dinner date life wearing a bib? I think not.

If you have abandonment issues, be aware that it’s GOOD to be abandoned by abusive people. Really good. This is the time to turn your fear of abandonment to freedom from abuse. Don’t fight off the relationship ending as this fight will not free you but bind you to a bleak future.

What to do

-Call your Mom or a friend who can keep a secret. Go ahead, unleash the beast and trash your Ex until it feels good. This is “partial unloading” of feeling and a little bit at a time does your soul good.

-Write your Ex vent letters that you’ll never send him/her.

-Yes, stay home and reflect about WHY the relationship didn’t work and learn from it.

-Yes, go out and party with your friends. If you get hammered, take a cab home.

What not to do

-Cyberstalk your Ex

-Text him/her 50 times a day

-Show up at their door unannounced.

-Post on FB or twitter what an asshole your Ex is.